Someone Entertain Me!

Work is slow. The weather is crazy. I'm slowly going insane.

I haven't had my Prozac for several days. I am going to SNAP soon. It sort of freaks me out how your body reacts to not having something it's used to having daily. I almost thought about not taking it anymore, but to be honest, it helps me deal with daily things in life. I couldn't work at my job if I didn't take medication. Seriously! Not to mention, I'm not the happiest person, as all of you know. Good thing you love me anyways. =)

I'm waiting on the weather forecast. We could possibly get a lot of snow, with blizzard type conditions, at the beginning of next week. I think it will go the other way. Let's hope so because I'm getting cabin fever! I do nothing, but work and go home. This crap is getting old.

Maybe a giant ice sickle will hit me in the head...

if I'm lucky.

Got Ice?

Over the past few days, we've had terrible weather. We got several inches of ice and snow. A state of emergency was called, there are thousands of people without power. I lost power Wednesday morning, but the power came back on yesterday. Thank God, I was starting to get cold! None of the office staff made it to work (I couldn't get out of my parking lot) and the ones that made it in, were sent home. However, I am back at work today.

I can't believe all of the trees and power lines that are down. It's amazing what ice can do. I could hear trees breaking and falling. The ice looked beautiful on the trees. It WAS something to see.

Earthquake, tornadoes, hurricane wind storm, ice and snow...

What's next?

Bye Bye Bush

Drunk Ass: See this is what pisses me off, they are showing nothing, but blacks.

Me: Well, it's a moment in history for black people. They are showing white people too. Look, there is a white woman and she's crying!

Drunk Ass: Yeah, all because a f'n NIGGAR made President.

Me: STFU! Just because your dumbass is racist doesn't mean I am. I'm sick of listening to your shit and I'm sick of you using that word! Go to f'n bed!

He continued to yell niggar through my apartment. I was about to call the police (seriously). Our neighbor is a black man, a very nice black man. I know the guy could hear his dumbass through the wall. If I see my neighbor outside, I feel I should apologize, even though I wasn't the one saying it.

A black man becoming President. It shows just how much the world has changed. I think it's truly amazing.

Maybe Obama is just what this country needs.

Stalking Mig...Again

The Cannon Fodder MeMe

1. Is there someone you'd like to be kissing right now? No, I'm not in the kissing mood today. Thanks.

2. When you're being extremely quiet, what does it mean? It usually means I'm sad. I'm hiding within myself.

3. What are you listening to right now? Some stupid country song that I don't care for at all.

4. Are you a big fan of thunderstorms? Not since I've seen the damage of what a tornado can do. And not since I live in an upstairs apartment!

5. Do you believe in perfect? No way. Thank God, perfect would be boring.

6. Are you a jealous person? I try not to be, but I totally am.

7. What was the first thing you thought this morning? What time is it?

8. What do you think about when you are falling asleep? The things I want/need to change. People in my life. Let's just say I pray a lot.

9. Are you satisfied with what you have in life? No, but I am grateful.

10. Do people ever think that you're either older or younger than you actually are? All I know is they don't card me for beer anymore! I'm not happy about that!

11. Do you think men truly understand women? Nope. Not from what I've seen.

12. How about women understanding men? Repeat answer at #11.

13. Did anybody ever call you handsome or beautiful? Yes, beautiful. It's very flattering.

14. What is one fact about the last person that called you? He's an immature ass.

15. Other than your current one, what’s the longest relationship you have had? 11 years with my ex. Almost a complete waste of 11 years. :/

"Where I Stood"

I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none

There were sounds in my head
LIttle voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood

Stalking Mig

1. What is the bravest thing that you feel you've ever done physically?
I physically went to another country all by MYSELF. Does that count? It should!

2. What is the bravest thing that you feel you've ever done emotionally?
When I filed for divorce. I didn't think I would ever be able to do that.

3. What one talent do you wish you had that you don't?
I wish I could sing.

4. If you had that talent what would you be doing with it?
Entertaining the drunks at the local bar?

5. We all have our reasons for blogging but what would be your ultimate goal for your blog or as a blogger?
Blogging is just an outlet for me. It's also for me to get advice. I need advice!

6. What advice would you give a new blogger?
Write from the heart.

7. Who are you three favorite blogs to visit (Yes, you can have ties and name more than three.)
Mig, Coyote, Jess. I visit all of them daily. More than once a day. Seems like most blogs are quiet these days. What's up with that? Blog dammit!

8. You can trade lives with any one person for a month. Who would it be and why?
Someone pregnant who gives birth in that month. That way I could decide if I really want children or not. haha

9. There's a fire and your family is safe but you have the chance to save any one item from your house. What would it be and why?
My pictures from Amsterdam. I will probably never get to go back.

10. You have the chance to go back in time and warn yourself before making a bad choice. What choice would it be and what would you tell yourself?
I wouldn't of got married. You all know why.

Scary, but true...

This is a picture of my mother in her "angry" personality. No shit! I did not get this off of the internet. However, I am thinking of calling Hollywood. She could star in the next zombie film!

Anyways....

I spent Friday evening at my grandma/mom's house. I did laundry and we talked about old times. Old times led into my childhood. I listened to excuses being made as to why NOTHING was done to protect me.

Anxiety level: 10

After washing my clothes, I said thanks and left. I analyzed our conversations on the way home. I was angry, but I refused to cry. I wanted to cry. I'm tired of being the victim. I quickly made myself get over it.

All I can say...

pills are great.

"When you die, all you have to take with you, is LOVE".

Maybe that's why we look so hard to find it...

I Still Have Head Worms

I pretty much spent my weekend at home, watching tv, in bed.

Depression. Oh...what...fun.

Me and my sister are sort of speaking, well, texting. I had to be the one to break the ice. I'd like to think that doesn't make me weak. Right?

Me: I don't want to fight with you. Life is too short. We are sisters. I love you and the kids. I miss you.

Her: You too, but I won't ask you to go out with us again.

Does she actually think I WANT to go out with her again?

I let that comment go. That's her way of putting all the blame on me. I'll let her have her way, only because I want this bullshit to end. Things will never be the same between us. We are from the same womb, but two different worlds.

The ASS I've been seeing is out of town. His dad is dying. He's been gone for a week (we talk everyday). At first I enjoyed having my home, myself back. Then I realized that all I had was me and started missing him...

How fucked up is that?

What a way to bring in the New Year...

I went out New Years Eve with my sister, her hub, and two of their friends. We all got pretty drunk. Let me add, when I'm drunk, I'm a little wild and free. As most of us are. Everything was going great, I was having a blast. The singer in the band said "I haven't seen boobs all night, what's up with that". I flashed my BRA. No boobs were shown...at all.

My sister instantly got pissed off. She got mad because her husband of 12 years was standing there. Might I add, he didn't even see the TWO SECOND bra flash. She said I wasn't going anywhere with them ever again, I was acting like a whore, blah blah blah. I told her I couldn't believe she was actually mad over something so ridiculous. It was a freakin joke, and I just showed my bra. I told her to stop acting like a bitch. I walked away.

The other chick that was with us asked me what happened, as I was telling her, my sister reaches across the bar and hits me in the face (I didn't even see it coming). I lost it. I went right back at her, and broke three of my nails in the process. My brother n law told us to stop it, we were sisters. The security guard came over and asked us to leave. I took a taxi home. My brother n law called to make sure I made it home, and that I had money to pay the taxi driver.

I haven't talked to her since.

This isn't the first time she has hit me. Once she hit me when I was 16 because I wanted to stay the night with my friend and wouldn't go home with her. I didn't hit her back, I let it go.

This time, I had enough. Maybe I did disrespect her by flashing my bra, but regardless, she had no right to hit me. I am not a violent person, but I am not going to tolerate someone hitting me in the face. I will not just stand there and take it.

My mother and grandmother of course thinks my sister does no wrong. It's all my fault. It's always been that way. I had to kiss my sister's ass all my life to be accepted by them. If they can't accept me for who I am, I don't need them. It doesn't matter. My sister got everything on a silver platter. I was kicked to the curb to be abused. Does it make me angry? Yes, it does. It's not my sister's fault, however, she too treated me like shit for years. Up until a few years ago, we barely spoke or saw each other. Since my split with the ex, we have become really close. Or so I thought.

I guess this bullshit ends the relationship. I refuse to apologize. I know she isn't going to apologize. I imagine she will keep the kids from me. So what family I did have, is now gone. I love her. I love the kids. I'm sad that this happened.

I should have kept my ass home New Years Eve.