Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I had a dream.

I was on a bicycle, peddling as fast as I could, and going nowhere.

Things came to an end. A-hole got trashed and made a complete ass out of himself, not only to me, but to my neighbors and the COPS. He went to jail (in his boxers). My landlord banned him from the property. And I had my number changed. It needed to be done. The great thing about it, I didn't have to do anything. He did it all himself. Everyone else took it from there.

Tomorrow I will be making an appointment for some counseling.

I need to know why. Why did I take his abuse for so long? Why do I get these type of men who show me no respect, who use me and abuse me?

I'm currently low as low can get. On a scale of 1-10, my self esteem is a 2. I'm sad. Not because he's gone, but because he was a wasted year of my life. I so much wanted him to be someone I could be with. Someone I could love, someone that would love me in return. He's "fucked up" in a bad way. He's beyond help. I knew it too. I knew it, and I still TRIED.

I'm angry about a lot of things today. I'm mostly angry about men who use women, and the women who let that happen. I'm especially angry at myself.

I could really use a friend right now.

Monday, September 14, 2009