Gobble This!

I can't believe it's the Holiday season. It's been a quick year. I'm working on Thanksgiving this year. Nobody is doing anything, I might as well work my second job and get Holiday pay. Somebody has to do it, right?

My life has become pretty much nothing, but work and tv. I'm too tired to do anything else. I'm such a homebody. I did go eat and get my nails done with my friend last night. THE friend, I don't really have many friends. It's a choice. I've been burned too many times. Especially when you had someone in your life, who you thought, and was told "you will always be a part of my life", to never hear from them again. To this day, I have no clue what I did wrong. I lost my faith in friendship, in good men, in being able to smoke in restaraunts (damn them) and let's face it...humanity. Okay, so I went a little far with the humanity thing, but you get what I'm saying!

It doesn't matter, most of my friends live inside of my computer. I love you guys. I wish you nothing, but the best, and a very Happy Thanksgiving!

Much turkey and much love!

:XO

Smoking Haters SUCK

No more smoking allowed on the premises at work due to non-smokers complaining. Non-smokers who work 40 minutes away in another location. Because of their complaints, it is effecting us all!

This means I will have to drive off of the premises. We are off of a highway!

Ok, smoking is bad for you, blah blah blah. We all know this. Excuse me for having the habit. I did not create tobacco, I fell to peer pressure, dammit! Seriously! I got addicted to it and now I'm paying for it in more ways than one. My health, financially, and now at work.

These people want me to go postal, don't they?

I guess it would be a good time to seriously QUIT. It's just the point.

THE POINT THAT EVERYONE SHOULD MIND THEIR OWN FREAKIN' BUSINESS!

It's been a while...

My grandfather passed away on 10/11. He was sick for years, so he's in a much better place now. My mom didn't handle it very well, but that's expected. He was a very good man. He will be missed.

I got my very own nice office at work. AND thanks to another bonus the company gave me, I was able to buy a new (to me) car! It's super nice. It's also black, which I love.

I'm thinking about moving at the end of the month. I need an apartment (or house) that doesn't have dangerous steps to walk up and down. I've been having a lot of back problems (bulging disc) since falling down my apartment steps last year. It's painful and annoying. My lease is up in December. Time to move!

Other than the back problems, still working two jobs, and missing you guys...

LIFE IS IMPROVING!

:XO

I've been hiding in my apartment for a while. Trying to get my thoughts and feelings back together. That's a hard thing to do sometimes. Then you have people who don't understand why you need to be alone. It's so frustrating. I shouldn't have to explain myself. I shouldn't have my own thoughts and feelings used against me. A "friend" shouldn't do that to you.

Maybe I opened up too soon. I felt comfortable..or so I thought. I'm not so comfortable anymore, so I think I will just keep my mouth shut.

Today is the best day I've had in a while. I'm beginning to feel at peace again, at least for today. I wish I could say that every day, but the truth is, I am a person who has to take it one day at a time.

Peace

I had a dream.

I was on a bicycle, peddling as fast as I could, and going nowhere.

Things came to an end. A-hole got trashed and made a complete ass out of himself, not only to me, but to my neighbors and the COPS. He went to jail (in his boxers). My landlord banned him from the property. And I had my number changed. It needed to be done. The great thing about it, I didn't have to do anything. He did it all himself. Everyone else took it from there.

Tomorrow I will be making an appointment for some counseling.

I need to know why. Why did I take his abuse for so long? Why do I get these type of men who show me no respect, who use me and abuse me?

I'm currently low as low can get. On a scale of 1-10, my self esteem is a 2. I'm sad. Not because he's gone, but because he was a wasted year of my life. I so much wanted him to be someone I could be with. Someone I could love, someone that would love me in return. He's "fucked up" in a bad way. He's beyond help. I knew it too. I knew it, and I still TRIED.


I'm angry about a lot of things today. I'm mostly angry about men who use women, and the women who let that happen. I'm especially angry at myself.

I could really use a friend right now.

Wingin' It

Since my last post, my dad's world has completely fallen apart. The cops contacted him concerning the child porn that was on his computer. After four months (go figure). They wanted him to take a polygraph. He spoke with a lawyer, the lawyer advised him against it. For lots of reasons. So basically, he's going to remain silent. He got a DUI a couple of weeks ago and went to jail. He was suspended from work, and today they fired him. They fired him for getting arrested. He could have LIED about it, but no, he chose to tell the truth. Well, actually, I told to tell the truth because I had to call in for him that day. I thought honesty was always the best policy? I guess not.

He's living with a friend now, so I don't see him often. When I do talk to him, he talks about how he just feels like giving up and "blowing his brains out". Thanks for the mental picture, dad. I appreciate it.

As for me? Well, I'm still dealing with psycho. Well, not really dealing with him, mostly ignoring him or pretending he doesn't exist.

I made friends with two of my neighbors. It only took me two years, but what can I say, I stay to myself. Especially when it comes to neighbors. They actually thought I was stuck up. If anyone knows me at all, that is NOT my character.

I just found out my 19 yr old step-niece is pregnant. That totally bummed me out! The "kids" are having kids...before me!

I'm still working my second job. Very tiring, but the extra money is awesome to have. I have to work tomorrow 12:30-9:30. It's going to be one long day...

here's to the F'n weekend!