Tuesday, February 24, 2009

When in doubt, write about being horny.

WARNING: This post is personal and WEIRD

I'm horny. Like all the time! I know, laugh. It is funny, but I think there is something going on with me. I even had sex dreams last night. Two of them! Am I reaching my prime? I mean, seriously. Somebody give me some input here! Is this normal?

Your advice is appreciated!

Oh man, I've just embarrassed myself with my fellow bloggers...

good thing I'm laughing.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

11 Days

He's been sober for 11 days. He's also going back to work. He's trying, I guess. He said he's going to replace my HD tv, first thing. I won't hold my breath, but that is the least he could do. Until then, I bought a 19 inch used televison from someone at work.

Friday the 13th wasn't as good as I thought it would be. What is the deal with all the boobs? I know, typical Friday the 13th movie, but come on...I didn't need all the boob footage. Penis! Where is the penis? Penis isn't all that attractive, but a man should have to show something.

Am I right, or am I right?

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Happy Birthday, Mig!

Hope your day is as wonderful as you are. Happy Birthday!

Friday, February 13, 2009

It's Friday the 13th

Well, he's still at my house. Until I go to court, there isn't much I can do. You know what pisses me off about the whole thing? The fact he's staying where he isn't wanted. I told him that too.

He's made many promises this week, but I've heard them so many times. I did take him to AA Monday night. He hasn't had anything to drink for going on six days, but today will be a major test. He's gone with family, I'm curious to see if he will be able to say no to alcohol. I know he's an alcoholic, but if he's serious about changing, he will say no. That's the way I look at it.

I've been sick this week. I've only been able to take him to one meeting. However, I did tell him "if you feel the need to drink, we will go to a meeting". I don't have to do any of this, I know, I'm too nice. I would really like for this guy to get his life together, without bringing me down in the process. I even sent him a text message today saying "I have faith in you". I WANT to have faith in him, but to be honest, I'm not sure I do.

He says he's going to get his shit together. He also said he's trying to find another place to go. Right now he's kissing my ass. He thinks I have an EPO against him and that I'm LETTING him stay. He's trying to talk me into "dropping it". I'm not telling him any different. If he's drunk tonight, I will make him leave. Some way, some how. The only way he will get back in, is if the police make me let him in.

Tonight I'm going out with my coworker. We are going to see the cheesy remake movie, Friday the 13th (you know you want to see it!). I'm ready to have some fun.

Thank you so much for your friendship and support! I love you all!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

My name is Sassy and I'm a doormat...

When I got home Friday evening, he had busted my flatscreen tv. I called the police that night. They did exactly what I thought they would...


They told me they couldn't legally make him leave. Since I let him stay there, he established residency. To them, he had done nothing wrong. Calling me bitch and cunt is "freedom of speech". Unless he physically hit me, there wasn't anything they could do. They even suggested I leave my own apartment for the night since HE had no place to go. I did leave...for a while. I came back when I knew he'd be passed out.

A bunch of crap happened on Saturday too, but I don't have the energy to get in to that right now.

It's a long story, but basically I have to file through the court to have him evicted. Even though his name is NOT on the lease, the apartment is considered his. Legally, unless the court says so, I can't keep him out. I could go through my landlord, but the dumbass isn't even supposed to be there. I know, bad on my part. I don't want to get myself evicted.

Basically, the police wouldn't do anything to help me. I'm tired of fighting. Of course ASS is playing the whole "I'll change" card again. I am taking him to AA tonight, but I'm not sure if he really wants help or if it's just a show so I won't have his ass evicted.

If he really wants help, I will help him get it. Even though he doesn't deserve anything from me.

Either way, I want him out.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Protection my ass...

The drunk has been calling me all day at work. Calling me names, threatening me, etc. I called the police and asked them if they would meet me at home, after I get off work and make him leave.

They told me no.

They said that he has established residence there. If I want him out, I have to go file for an eviction against him. Even though it's MY apartment! The only way they will help me is if he is getting violent at the time, and I call 911, THEN they will come to my residence and make him leave.

So...let me get this straight, he has to physically harm me or threaten me first? Then IF I CAN call the police, they will make him leave?

I told the cop about past events, he said "I wouldn't put up with that as long as you have".

Really? NO SHIT! I'm just a dumb ass, sorry.

I guess they don't understand that I was trying to keep from calling 911.

Let's just hope I'm able to call the police.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Lost and Numb

Rain asked if the guy was my ex husband.

No. Sadly, my ex treated me with more respect. He cheated, occasionally he blew up and hit me, but he never really talked to me the way this guy does.

I met the freak in a bar. Go figure. Back in August, I decided it was time for me to get out and meet someone. I was having a hard time, I was so tired of being alone. It gets old going home to nothing, nobody, day after day. I was tired of eating alone, sleeping alone, etc. Not much has changed, really. When I first met him, he was attractive and CHARMING. I found out that he was a liar, and well, his personality/attitude made him unattractive. Then I found out he had a major drinking problem. I thought I knew when to get out, matter of fact, I should have never let him in.

I figured with everything I'd been through in life, I could get rid of him when I needed to. It didn't happen that way. I kept making excuses. I still make excuses. I kept him around for the holidays because I didn't want to spend them alone. He made promises. Promises that he would cut down on drinking, that he'd treat me better, etc. I knew it wouldn't happen, but I let him stay because he has no place to go. I know it isn't my problem, but I just can't seem to make myself put him out in the cold. His own family won't take him because of his drinking problem. He's burned every bridge he's crossed. Except for mine. My bridge seems to be fire proof.

I seriously don't know why I haven't booted his ass out. I can take a lot. I know, that sounds silly, but lately, I'm numb. I've stopped caring. There isn't much positive in my life right now. I'm just going with the flow and pretending things aren't happening. Then I come here...

to let it all out.

Monday, February 2, 2009

I'm ashamed of what my life has become...

When he's sober, he barely speaks to me, unless he's bitching about something ridiculous. We sit in two different rooms. When things don't go his way, I'm a bitch, slut, cunt, etc. I get nothing from him. There is no affection. We don't sleep in the same bed, we don't have sex. He's just...there.

When he's drunk, he's affectionate. He wants sex (even though he can't keep it up due to alcohol). He loves me, blah blah blah. He easily gets angry. Last weekend he got upset when I went out to eat with my female coworker. He called my cell phone several times. He accused me of being with other men. I finally turned my phone off. When I turned it back on, I had 14 messages. He basically called me a piece of shit and threatened me. The next day, he got angry when I didn't want to go anywhere with him (he was drunk). He shoved me against the counter. He barricaded the front door so nobody could get in or out. I was going to call the police, but he watched every move I made. I was afraid he'd flip his lid before the police arrived. He's Jekyll and Hyde.

He found my journal. He read it. My own personal thoughts and feelings. He uses it against me.

He threatens me. He says if I don't stay with him, he will make me get kicked out of my apartment, he will get me fired from my job, he will fuck up my car, he will kill my dog, etc.

I don't believe everything he says. I think he is just running his mouth. I don't coward away from him, but I don't fuel the fire either.

I don't want him in my life anymore. I don't want to get anyone involved, I just want him to go peacefully.

I want my life back!