Reflecting

I'm sitting here today thinking about Jess and what she said on her blog. I'm having a problem with it, because as much as I don't want to admit it, she's right.

I'm personal. I let people in. And every time I get hurt. I have people who say they love me and doesn't show it. I have people who say "you have no idea what you mean to me" and completely shove me right out of their lives.

I'm so confused right now. I'm not happy with anything. Depression hit me last night in a big way. I feel lost in the world. I'm floating around waiting for someone to catch me, for me. Not for themselves.

I'd give the shirt off my back to just about anyone. I give homeless crackheads on the corner, money. Once I even gave a stranger a ride because it was raining. When he got in the car, I had a bad feeling about him, and couldn't wait to get him to his destination. I do stuff like that because I try to be a good person, I try to give everyone the benefit of a doubt.

I'm in so much pain. So much fucking pain. I just have a better way of dealing with it...

I have a better way of hiding it.