I'm completely exhausted today. Hanging in there at work with only three more dreaded hours to go. I spent most of the night arguing with a drunk. A drunk who doesn't deserve me. A drunk that I am good to. Too good. All because I don't want to be alone.
Alone. Being alone has to be better than this. It's the human touch that keeps me putting up with this shit. I know most of you aren't going to understand. I don't understand it myself.
I think I've been so damaged in my life, that normal just doesn't exist for me. I'm tough, I can take crap. I'm used to not being loved. I don't think I even know what that is, what that truly feels like.
You can't miss something you've never had....
I just want to sleep.
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5 comments:
There are people in this world who can not only do "alone" but do it well; there are those who can't do it at all.
The trick is in knowing when you are better off being uncomfortable than in pain!
Your heart can only take so much pain...
I hope, somehow, you manage to find someone who never causes yours to ache again!
alan
im with you sassy...i feel pretty shitty myself...wondering why i even bother.....hope you feel better though....theres the right man out there for both of us...one of these days we will find him..
btw, the verification word was yotemr
weird huh?
Am missing you here, and wondering how you are?
I was gone all weekend, sorry.
You have a right to miss love. You also have a right to BE loved, but you can't get there, if nobody knows where the trail is.
Find the trail to loving yourself, and then you can set the markers.
Without the trail, you'll just wander around the dark forest, accepting temparary help from strangers, and those whom you have met before.
You are a great person, Sam.
You can make it there...and when you do, you will know it.
Do me a HUGE favor;
Sit down, this weekend, or some weekend, when you can, don't socialize, don't party. Just read "Winnie the Pooh", and then, right away, read "House at Pooh Corner", from beggining to end.
I promise, it will help.
I love you,
Coyote.
"I think I've been so damaged in my life, that normal just doesn't exist for me."
I think I feel similarly, I've spent a lot of my life being damaged. First when I was small and couldn't do anything about it, and later when I was grown and could do something but didn't think I could.
Messed up felt "normal" to me too, what else did I know? Now I'm trying to figure out how to live the rest of my life in a healing and loving way.
I want to surround myself with people who make my face curve up in a smile. That's probably a big reason why I come here, not that your writings are always sappy happy, no, you tell your pain and it's yours to tell, we all do, and we try to heal each other, but because when I think of you Sam, I smile, you're someone precious to me. That sounds sappy as all hell but I mean it.
I'm really working on this, trying to make my life a healing loving place, maybe we could give each other some ideas.
love and squeeze,
mom
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