I'd like to beat someone with a turkey leg...

Let me start out by saying my morning has SUCKED.

I had an appointment this morning to get a flu shot. On my way to work, I pulled my back out AGAIN. This is the second time I've pulled my back out by doing NOTHING. I sat on the bed, felt my back catch. When I stood up, it was over. This is all due to my accidental fall down the steps in July.

They wanted to put me in the hospital for "pain management" today. Riiight. I had to go to work! Instead they injected steroids into my lower back and prescribed me pain medication. Good!

I get to work two hours later (doctors take forever). THEN I get yelled at by the boss for not calling him and letting him know I was going to be late (he's out of town). Ok. I see his point. However, I scheduled my 15 minute flu shot for my would be LUNCH hour today. The whole back thing...WASN'T PLANNED or LIED about. Did he listen to what I had to say? Nope.

Me and the other chick in the office gets docked for EVERYTHING. Half the time we don't take a lunch, we eat and work through lunch. IF we have doctor appointments, we have to request the time off. Even if it's during our so called lunch hour. BUT the MEN who work here, who are employees, can work one day a week on a job and get paid a whole week for it. They can go home because it's raining and GET PAID FOR IT. They can go home when they have nothing to do and GET PAID FOR IT. Granted, they have different positions, they work outside, but if you ask me, I think it's BULL.

Not doing anything Thanksgiving. Going to a restaurant and then going home. Yay me. But I can say, I do have things to be thankful for, even though it doesn't always feel that way.

I'm thankful for all of you!

Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Maybe Jay was right.

But maybe he doesn't understand. It's not easy to let go of my traumatizing childhood, it's not easy letting go of my hurtful marriage, it's not easy letting go of a lot of things.

I have come a long way. I went from hating myself, to liking myself.

Yeah, my posts are all the same. They are the same issues and feelings that I am dealing with, have been dealing with for a very long time. It's taking me a lifetime to get past, it seems.

If it was as easy to move forward as some people think, don't you think I would have done that by now?

It's not that I'm not trying. I am.

I just can't let myself get rid of the bad rubbish that enters my life. I want to. Believe me, I want to.

I'm not content this way.

Sometimes...

It's just easier to accept.

IM from an old friend...

you will never...ever....ever be happy because you dont want to be, for years you've been going on and on about how you hate your life, but you've never done anything to change it, you can blog and have everyone tell you over and over how happy you should be and how you are doing the right thing, but until you actually make some half-hearted attempt to bring happiness into your life, you will continue to be miserable

you are content to let shitty people into yer life and get stupid ass advice from friends who facilitate your monotony, people can tell you you are awesome, but until you do something to make yourself feel awesome, its all pointless

think back to when you first started blogging about three years ago...the posts you made then are the same posts you are still making today, to be honest i dont IM you much because you seem to comfortable with your pity and content not to move foward and it frustrates me, its taken me awhile to think about how to write this, but i dont want you to waste any more of your life than you already have by just treading water

HE'S JUST BEING HONEST. THE SAD PART IS...

HE'S RIGHT.

I thought being a good person, made you a better person, brought good things into your life, and got you into heaven.

I'm more forgiving of others than I am of myself.

Maybe I'm being selfish, but I just want something good to happen to me, something good to come into my life, just once.

Is that too much to ask?

I'm Here

I haven't got rid of the guy yet. I keep telling him "it's not working, I'm not happy". He refuses to listen. He changes for a day and then wakes up his same old self. I'm dealing with a fucking child.

The 15th I will be 31. That..makes..me..depressed. I'm getting older. I have grey hairs! Not enough to dye, but they are there. And my eggs? Well, let's just say the older I get, the more my ovaries hurt. My body is telling me "have a child", but that's never going to happen.

The holidays are coming up. Oh the joy. I don't have money for Christmas this year. Not unless I want to get a second job. I'm tired. My full time job is exhausting enough. I like to go home after work and do NOTHING. Fuck Christmas.


I miss my friends. Especially my hooker. The Bulb. =(

Love you, Hooker. Love you, Holly HOO...

Call me at work! It's toll free!!!