My dad was arrested on Monday for seven counts of possession of child pornography. He's being charged with a D Felony and a C Felony.
His bond is $10,000.00 cash.
He's looking at 3-12 years in prison.
My dad has NEVER hurt me or anyone else to my knowledge. Out of the two parents, he was the only one who ever showed me any kind of love. He really wasn't a dad when I was growing up. He was a drunk. And he wasn't around, but at least I have some kind of relationship with him that I don't have with my mother. He has been there a lot more than she has. And now, I'm going to lose him.
Being a victim of sexual child abuse, I'm not sure how to feel about this. I keep telling myself that it's wrong for me to continue to acknowledge him as my father. How could I? No matter how bad I want to turn my back on him, he is still my father, and I love him.
I asked the detective why my abusers are still walking the streets, but my dad is in jail for something he supposedly downloaded on his computer. He couldn't answer that. He also couldn't tell me why they aren't going after the sick fucks who put this porn on the internet.
I have a hard time believing he's a child molester. IF he was downloading the child porn, does it mean for sure that he could be a child molester? OR was it pure curiosity? I'm just trying to figure this out. I want to know why. WHY did he have that shit on his computer?
So now I'm just waiting for my father's face to be flashed all over the news and internet. For people to gossip and look at me like I'm some kind of freak for being his daughter. I refuse to talk about it with anyone. However, I wish I had someone to talk to, that could understand how I'm feeling about all of this, and who wouldn't judge me for loving my father.
I'm devastated.
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4 comments:
Anyone who judges you for HIS mistakes is an IDIOT!
He is your father, and you love him. Keep that.
Don't let anyone tell you any different.
I'm behind you 100%!
I love you!
I'm with what Jess, had to say.
I'm behind you 100%
and love you too !!
What he did or didn't do has nothing on Earth to do with you, or what you are!
It's like saying that since my Mom is a self-centered psychotic I must be one as well!
You can't help but love him...if that needs to change your heart will tell you, not anyone else!
You know where to find me, write if you need to!
alan
It's okay to love someone even if you don't understand them. It's okay for you to be in shock and not know what to think. It's okay to want to talk to someone and to not want to talk to anyone all at the same time, or at least it better be because I feel the same way a lot of the time.
I pray for faith. When I begin to lose my faith, I pray for it, hard and heavy. I say, "God, you KNOW me..."
And I laugh. When horrid things happen, I laugh, not because they're funny, but because that's my way of wigging out. I laugh like a nut. It scares Becky sometimes, or so she says, but I think she understands, her reaction is to get angry, and when she does she scares me, but I understand. Thank God for people who understand.
Life brings us all kinds of insanities doesn't it? And we react in different ways because that's how we get by. Sometimes I tell the family stories like they're a big joke, but the really horrid things I omit, who wants to relive them? Weird but the things that I don't think are horrid, other people think are. We are desensitized.
I understand. I wish I could make it all better/fix it. Some things just suck it. And good gosh dad, couldn't you just cyber cam to cam with some chick...?...? And I'll bet a person would be surprised to see who all had this kind of stuff on their machines...We aren't any of us perfect, you just be you honey, you've nothing to be ashamed of. Walk in love and light, feel it, breath it, know that you matter, tell yourself the same thing you would tell a friend when you find yourself coming down on you for something someone else has done.
You matter, you are just beginning your life, and you are trying to do the right things in the right ways.
I'm babbling, know I'm sending you love and light, mom
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