I had that one person I could tell anything to. ANYTHING, without judgement. I could talk to that person and know that when the conversation was over, I'd feel better. Everyone needs that kind of someone in their life.
Last night I cried myself to sleep for various reasons. It's what we, as human beings (well, at least women) do. The more I cried, the more angry I became. I WANTED, NEEDED that "kind of someone" so badly to talk with. That "kind of someone" is no longer in my life. They left me. I feel abandoned.
Today I realized that maybe I depended too much on that person. Maybe they felt it too.
The new person in my life (maybe), we are taking things slow. We are "building" (his words). Building what exactly? A friendship, a relationship, a cult? It doesn't really matter as long as we are building something.
With the douche bags I've dated, to be honest, there was something safe about it. I knew that I could never fall in love with them. I may have been broken in other ways, but my heart was safe. And I stayed. Now, I've found someone I could probably "build" something with. I could fall in love with him. And I feel myself pulling away because I am nothing, but a big CHICKEN SHIT.
I'm afraid to give it a chance.
I'm afraid not to.
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6 comments:
Well that explains it ~smacks head~
I hear clucking!!
PS: word verification is "twinge" what?
Dont let those past douche bags, mess up your future. The more you get to know him, let yourself open up. There nothing wrong with baby steps. Who knows if he might turn out to be that "kind of person". I wish you the best sassy.
P.S. Yeah, there is such thing as madly in love. It has its bad sides sometime but its awesome also.
I wish you happiness.
Don't be afraid of your own light. My gosh girl we are so much alike it is both frightening and beautiful.
Don't fear love, it's the light of the world, it's the light you've been afraid to let shine for fear that it would be doused. Do go slow, when we take things slowly we are able to touch the brakes when we need to without having to derail in a screeching halt.
Building is a beautiful word, it sings in my mind, building is positive, it is working towards something, perhaps a long walk through life with someone who you can trust to love you back, and to accept your love.
So far I like this guy. I feel really good about the place that you are coming from. I feel much hope and love for you, and I feel that you just have to trust yourself to listen to what your brave persona is saying, don't ignore the chicken shit entirely, heh, but do take a chance, and do know that you have a light in you that beams whether you let it or not, but it will shine so much brighter when you give in and let it do it's thing.
I'm only just now realizing this.
I love you, but you know that.
I have so much to say to you that I don't know where to start. I think I'm fallin' for ya. I wish you all good things my friend.
And, looking back over Lori's words, I agree with her completely. Do it! Love. And be loved. Let yourself be loved. Let the light love you from within as well as from the world.
Okay, where did that post toasty go?
Penny came over and insisted I go to the farmer's market with her. I was in my pajamas, no make-up, great, it was great. Lol, but I got two cantaloupes, some corn on the cob and an Amish baked banana bread. Yum.
From what I remember of the post, I'd say...hmmmm, continue to take it slow, and ask yourself, often, is this guy good enough for me; is he good to me? If he is most of the time, then that's pretty right on.
Also, keep your options open for now. If someone else asks you out and you're attracted to him and he seems nice, go out with him too. Look around, don't feel like you have to be with this guy exclusively, yet.
I know you and I both want exclusivity but I think we should both be willing and eager to see different possibilities first.
If you had cash in hand would you buy the first used car you came across? Heck no, you'd look until you found the one that was really frappin' awesome, the one that called your name, the one that you've always wanted.
You'd ask folks that you trust if they've heard of any good ones available, you'd look in the paper, on the internet, around town. Heh, but you know what I mean right?
You've got love in hand and plenty of it, so look for the heart that you really want, the one that calls your name.
Maybe this guy's the one, or maybe the guy on the path just up ahead of you is the one...Keep those options open, and don't think of it as another loss of time, every adventure is worth it's time.
I love you,
mom
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